Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Adventures in Seniorland

My husband's standing on the bimah leading P'sukei D'Zimrah when an elderly man hobbles up the aisle on a cane and starts asking about his tax return.  My husband assures him that he'll contact him shortly about the return.  The man apologizes for interrupting, and walks out without even staying to help make a minyan.  You can't make this stuff up, folks.

Next, one of our local wandering Jews, an occasional visitor, wanders in, and proceeds to wander around the sanctuary looking for a victim to pester with his constant and loud conversation.  (Half of our attendees have hearing aids, and the other half need them.)  He finally gives up, and goes out to the lobby to bother our Shabbos Goy, who, being Christian, can be described without apology as having the patience of a saint.  :)

Now, it's time for hagbah.  A few weeks ago, one of our younger--meaning 40-ish--members nearly dropped a sefer Torah/Pentateuch scroll.  Sadly, the other one is currently down for the count with a leg injury serious enough to have left him limping for several weeks.  So the honors go to the only other two guys present who are under the age of eighty and haven't been hospitalized recently--the smaller scroll is lifted by a 70-something-year-old with a heart condition, and the larger one by my spring-chicken of a husband, who's a mere 71.

Then comes the Musaf service, which is interrupted by a panicked senior who can't find her cane.  The fellow who finds it returns with both the cane and the comment that maybe the shul should hire a security guard just to look for lost canes.  Ironically, this joking suggestion almost makes sense.  Half of our members (myself often included) use canes, the other half use walkers, and the third half, if you'll pardon the expression, use wheelchairs.  The fourth half, just to continue the fun, hook a cane to their walkers or wheelchairs.

It gets better, folks.  Remember the guy who interrupted P'sukei D'Zimrah and then left instead of  staying to help make a minyan?  I fume about his chutzpah (nerve, gall) while walking home with my husband.  Boy, am I about to be surprised.

"He's not Jewish."

"WHAT??!!!  If he's not Jewish, what was he doing there?

"He's figured out that, when I don't answer my phone, I'm often at synagogue."

"He's your tax client.  Can't you give him a polite piece of your mind about interrupting a religious service?"

"I'm not sure it would do any good.  He's about 90 years old."

Um, never mind.


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